Hurry Up and Wait

So I haven't posted for a while because IVF is very much a hurry up and wait process.  Right now we are getting back into a hurry mode.  We dealt with some issues with getting the meds because apparently Shady Grove didn't submit the pre approval paperwork to the insurance.  So several phone calls later (and we found out the financial person in our office was "no longer employed at this office") we had the approval we needed and the meds were only slightly delayed.  Then I receive a phone call from the pharmacy saying that the one drug was out of stock.  Me being me I get super grumpy ...not with the pharmacy but with Shady Grove for letting the ball drop on the paperwork in the first place.  The meds were there when they were going to ship them initially, but because of the hold up now they are out.  So more phone calls.  Shady Grove says have the meds they do have sent and they reassure me that we will get the other med in time.  The meds lady for Shady Grove is super nice and sensing my apprehension tells me if it comes down to it they have some there that they can give me.  Awesome ..that works...I call the pharmacy back and they ship the drugs.

Our insurance covers most of this but we do end up paying $159 out of pocket.  So now our running total is $484.  So in just over a month that is what we have spent not including travel, and food, and cleaning up a puke covered child.  It is a lot of money and money that we don't really have, but we make it work and are very thankful for our insurance because many other people are paying much more for this.
(Update:  We received a bill today for the genetic testing so we are now at $584.)


So drugs are always shipped next day and with this pharmacy you have to sign for them.  (Some of the drugs have to be refrigerated.)  So then we are in stealth mode because our Fedex guy is really good at ding and dash and we have missed shipments before because we couldn't run to the door in time.  If that were to happen in this case I could lose my meds and miss my cycle, so at 0800hrs we start watch.  We take turns making sure that someone is always in the living room so that we can make it down to the door.  At 1300 the meds show up and that is when I realize that I never put on a bra.  I run to the door anyhow and then attempt to awkwardly use the box as a shield for my lack of support.  I sign the scanner dealy while balancing it on the box and then quickly shut the door.

This is what you get when you get the drugs...

Honestly the first time when this came in I was in complete shock.  I was expecting a shoe box and instead I receive a box large enough to be used as an end table.  Okay maybe not that large.  But it is a big box.

Amazingly enough inside the box are the meds that they said they were out of.  I almost jump for joy that I have one less thing to worry about.  I don't know if the drugs came back in stock or if they had already packed my box last week when it was supposed to ship, but either way YAY!

So I have been on the birth control they put you on for the last two weeks.  The stuff is nasty.  I've never had a problem with the pill but my skin looks terrible, I've had migraines and I was nauseous for the first week of it.  Sunday is my last pill though.  Then on Monday I go in and have blood work and another trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure things are ready to go. 

I will start injections on my birthday.  Birthday hormones yay!  Not really, but hopefully we will go one round and be happily pregnant with our second child.

Stressed

Disclaimer: This post isn’t very funny but it’s real and part of how it really is to go through IVF.

So an IVF cycle starts with taking birth control.  You contact your nurse on day 1 of your period and they give you your “protocol”.  The protocol tells you when you will take what drugs, for how long, and approximately when you will do the egg retrieval and transfer. 

Of course my period starts on Sunday when I can’t call to get my protocol.  I couldn’t remember if you start the birth control day 1 or not, so I was frantically emailing my nurse last night.  I knew it wouldn’t be a huge deal, but it was enough for me to start to feel stressed out.

I get a response this morning and you don’t start until day 3, so yesterday was really an overreaction.  The “REAL” drugs will start on my birthday.  It is exciting and overwhelming to see the protocol.  It gives me an approximate date that they will do the transfer and that is exciting, but now the reality is setting in on all the steps to get to that point. 

For the last few weeks I’ve been able to kind of just be excited about the prospect of having another baby.  Now I have to focus and deal with all of this, and quite honestly today I would love to just hide and not have to deal with anything.  But I have a toddler who needs me, so I paste on the happy face and sing songs and be silly.  And I have work, so I do my work and just appreciate that it is a virtual company where I don’t have to dress up or interact very much.

I will admit though this hasn’t been the first bad day in this process.  Last week I found myself feeling very resentful of Paul.  For us to have a baby he has to jerk off into a cup.  I have to endure shots, and exams, and blood work, and hormones all before I even get pregnant.  

I told him I was feeling resentful.  Not to hurt his feelings but so he would know how I felt and he got angry with me.  He said he already felt bad enough.  So now I don’t really feel like I should say anything.  That is probably why I feel like being alone for today; I don’t want to make him feel guilty but I want to be able to be a little angry about all of it.

The reason I’m putting all of this here in my blog is because if by chance someone else is reading this and going through the same thing, I hope they know they are not alone.  I know that I am just a little down and things will get better.  Emotionally it wasn’t as hard the last time, because we didn’t know what to expect.  We will get through this though.  I am just going to push through to the next step, and the step after that because I know I want another baby so that is what I have to do.