Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Life is messy...

Life is messy. 

I could never have predicted where I would be today.  Even with the planning that my type A personality dictates, I could never have guessed the course my life would take.

No one can plan for everything, for every possible outcome. 

I am angry …I am angry that I have to be responsible for taking care of my parents when I still feel the sting of fucked up childhood.

I feel selfish for still feeling resentful about my childhood.

I feel overwhelmed. 

I feel gypped.  I see other people my age enjoying a relationship with their parents, who are just appreciating seeing their grown children start families for themselves.

I worry that I’m not giving Mandie enough of my time.  That I am so focused on my career, which we are financially dependent on; that I am neglecting to give her what she really needs, which is my attention.

I feel like my job takes advantage of me, but that I also allow for that to happen.

I feel bad for my sister who has to deal with my parents as well.

I have an amazing daughter and a husband I love.  I have the best sister I could ever ask for.  I am thankful for these things.   I just wish there was less pressure everywhere else, so that I could spend more time enjoying the good things I have in my life.