Spermsicles are expensive

So I'll start with the funny part of yesterdays appointment.  Not my uterus measuring but bringing in a "sample" from Paul.  His sperm had a 0930 appointment.  They actually had to have their own appointment...which I find funny.

Since I had an appointment at 1030 I said I would just carry his sample in and then wait for my appointment while he took Mandie to the mall.  (I get the crappy end of that deal but he couldn't carry my uterus in a little brown bag.)  So as we drive I am holding the brown bag and he mentions that he should have drawn manly things on the bag, like hammers and shark's teeth.  I would have thought that was awesome and would have been more than happy to carry that bag.  When I get in for the appointment I check in at the front desk and I keep trying to hand her the bag, because that is what they did at the other office when we were trying to have Mandie.  After attempting to hand it to her several times she explained that a nurse would come out to get it and to have a seat.  I laughed awkwardly and as an attempt to explain said,  "I keep trying to hand this to you because I don't want it."  She laughed and said, "Well neither do I." 

I sit awkwardly holding this bag in the lobby until this lady came out and called me back, and I tried to hand her the bag, but apparently she didn't want it either.  They took me to a small room and I suddenly realize that this is THE room.  It is the room where guys jerk off.  Now I am trying to not physically be in contact with anything in the room including the floor.  So she hands me the pen and clipboard that were in the room and asks me to fill out the form.  I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THE PEN!  but I take one for the team and fill out the form.  Then she hands me a sticker and asks me to stick it to the sample cup.  I haven't opened the bag this entire time, and I don't really want to now but I do and the contents are obvious.  I slap the label on it and FINALLY and I am rid of the cup.

So now for the not so funny part.

This morning while I am still very much asleep the phone rings.  It is our doctor and he apologizes for waking me then proceeds to give me info that my brain is not quite ready to process.  Apparently Paul's sperm count is even lower than the last time and is now at .5 million.  (The average is 20-40 million.)  The doctor says that this could be part of Paul's normal range, which we already know to be low, but to be on the safe side we should schedule an appointment to have a sample frozen.  The risk we take if we don't have a frozen sample is that we have no sperm when they go to fertilize the eggs.

Being half asleep I hadn't asked some of the questions I needed to.  So I make a call back to the office and  find out that making a spermsicle is going to cost us $250 up front, and that we are going to be doing this in the next couple of weeks.  We aren't broke but we aren't rich either.  As much as we try to save things always come up.  This month there have been several things, so this isn't a cost we are ready for.  We have it figured out and are going to make it happen, but it is just one more thing.

I'm pretty good with it now.  Not happy obviously...I don't think anyone still trying to have kids would want to hear the news we did today, but initially I was angry.  Worse than being angry is having no one to be angry at.  There is no one to blame and no one to direct your anger at.  Now I guess I am just resolved in the fact that it is what it is.

Either way we already have a beautiful sweet little girl!