Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Life is messy...

Life is messy. 

I could never have predicted where I would be today.  Even with the planning that my type A personality dictates, I could never have guessed the course my life would take.

No one can plan for everything, for every possible outcome. 

I am angry …I am angry that I have to be responsible for taking care of my parents when I still feel the sting of fucked up childhood.

I feel selfish for still feeling resentful about my childhood.

I feel overwhelmed. 

I feel gypped.  I see other people my age enjoying a relationship with their parents, who are just appreciating seeing their grown children start families for themselves.

I worry that I’m not giving Mandie enough of my time.  That I am so focused on my career, which we are financially dependent on; that I am neglecting to give her what she really needs, which is my attention.

I feel like my job takes advantage of me, but that I also allow for that to happen.

I feel bad for my sister who has to deal with my parents as well.

I have an amazing daughter and a husband I love.  I have the best sister I could ever ask for.  I am thankful for these things.   I just wish there was less pressure everywhere else, so that I could spend more time enjoying the good things I have in my life.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Moving Forward

So we don't find out for sure until tomorrow but I'm pretty sure that this round of IVF was a bust.  We've decided to go right into another round.  I thought I didn't want to do this again when I was suffering through the ovary over stimulation issues, but once I recovered I got over it pretty quickly.  We are disappointed that it didn't work, but hopefully we will have a better go this round.

Now I'm going to post some happy things.

Paul was invited to test the new Wii U that is being released before Christmas.  We went to a fancy hotel in DC where they had set up the conference room like a swanky club...that was filled with geeks that did not have on nearly enough deodorant. 

It was still fun and Mandie even got her own lanyard and swipe card.  She danced to "Call me maybe" which was one of three songs they had for the singing game demo and was the only song everyone picked to try.  She also enjoyed her Wii U cookie...
Then her Daddy won first place in a new Donkey Kong game and got her Luigi, he has become her favorite car companion.

And in even bigger news ...  Mandie has decided that she is ready for the potty.  We had not planned on potty training this early.  We were definitely not trying to potty train while going through IVF, but Mandie decided it was time. 

The other day while getting her bath ready she sat herself down on her potty and went pee.  She had peed on her little potty before, but it would be if she woke up with a dry diaper I would let her try.  That's kind of cheating because I knew she had to go.  Her choosing to go on her own was a big step forward.  I still didn't think she was ready...but then she started wanting to try more often and every time I put her on there she would go.  So today we bought her another little potty for downstairs.  When we got home from Target her diaper was still dry and she immediately tested her new potty out.  Later after another trip to Target and a trip to the playground we noticed that her diaper was still dry.  She hopped on the potty and earned another sticker.  We put on her training pants expecting an accident, but amazingly enough about a half hour later she came to me trying to pull them down and after I helped her out of them she sat down and peed again!  She did eventually pee a little in her pants, but she was quick to let us know that it had happened.  Overall she is doing amazing considering that she has basically done all of this on her own.  Though I wasn't ready for this step I am very proud of her quick progress.

Friday, July 13, 2012

3 Amigos

(This post jumps around more than a Vonnegut novel...but it is really how it all felt.)

So on Wednesday we had the egg retrieval.  I had been feeling pretty crappy the days before, but the day of I wasn't feeling bad at all.  It's a quick wham, bam, thank you ma'am procedure, where you go in they knock you out, they stick a needle through your vaginal wall and into each ovary stealing the eggs.  It takes 15-30 minutes.  I handle the anesthesia well and hopped right up and was ready to go both times.  This time though I was fine as I got home but then started to be in quite a bit of pain.  Then it started hurting when I would breathe ...all the way to my collar bone.  I couldn't lay down and I was miserable.  It turns out I had some over stimulation, probably because they couldn't retrieve all of the eggs due to respiratory issues I was having.  If I laid down I was in excruciating pain from my belly button to my right shoulder.  And I was exhausted so all I wanted to do way lie down. 

I was worried because they had only retrieved 6 eggs.  Last time they retrieved 19 and only had 4 that were mature enough and only 2 that fertilized.  So now I felt like the odds were really against us.  I was scared that they were going to call and say we had no mature eggs.  We were still at Shady Grove when the doctor told us this and I almost wanted to fight and say let's go back in and try to get more.  I didn't.

The next day, even though I couldn't breathe I was thrilled to hear that once again we had 4 mature eggs and that this time 3 had fertilized!  I was so excited that I didn't even tell the doctor the pain I was in.  (Later when it became unbearable I did call and tell the nurse.)

So now on day 2 post retrieval we still have 3 good embryos.  (And though my abdomen still hurts, it stopped hurting when I breathe.)  We have an appointment to put them back in tomorrow.  Now we could still receive a call saying to wait until Monday, but we have to be ready for tomorrow.  I am excited and nervous.  It will take two weeks after the transfer to find out at the office if we are pregnant.  I will cheat and pee on a stick before that.  I am just not patient enough to wait.

This round of IVF has been much more rough on me than the last one.  I am looking forward to the bed rest after the transfer because I could really use a nap.

(As a TMI side note I have to take pill in my vagina 3 times a day to keep my uterus fluffy.)

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Hopefully only a few more days

This is going to sound like whining and it probably is ..but I hope it is also helpful to anyone else who might be going through this.

So I have been on meds for 10 days now.  I feel horrible.  I don't remember feeling this horrible last time, but I also had the ability to sleep when I felt like it.  I have had a headache for pretty much the entire time I've been on the meds.  Then I started having cramping and pulling at my ovaries around day 3.  I do have at least 13 follicles between 14 and 18mm as well as several smaller ones crammed in there.  This is a good outcome but I feel like I'm dragging my ovaries behind me. 

I have appointments everyday now with blood work and a transvaginal ultrasound.  Which means even when Mandie will sleep in I have to get up.  I did however spend most of today laying down because I just don't feel like moving. 

They think I will trigger tomorrow, which means one injection in the morning, then one big one at night, then we are done with the at home shots.  YAY!  A couple days later they should retrieve the eggs.  Something that confused me last time was that I still felt like I was dragging my ovaries after the retrieval, and it turns out it was because they only take the eggs not the follicles which means I'm still carrying around the equivalent of the egg carton. 

The next couple of days will be rough because we are both working, which means full time work and Mandie duty for me.  And I have become the ultimate slug.  I literally went from laying down in bed, to laying on the couch, to resting my head on the dinner table while I waited for Mandie to finish eating.  I'm really hoping this works in one try again, because I'm not sure how well I would handle going through another round.

Right now it is not quite 9pm and I am laying in bed and I don't think I will be getting up again until it is time for my appointment in the morning.  Fingers are crossed for triggering tomorrow.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

I feel like poo today...

Last week ...

I got home after my blood work and ultrasound and realized that based off of simple math I did not have enough Menopur.  It was like a flash back to 5th grade math...

Kristie needs to take 150IU of Menapur each night for the next 12 nights.  Each vial of Menopur is 75IU and she has 17 vials.  What does Kristie need to do...

The answer is call my doctors office.

Me: I only have 8 1/2 days of Menopur.

Lady who orders meds: Well how many vials do you have?

Me: 17

Her: Well my papers say you are only taking 75IU a night.

Me: All of mine say 150IU and I just saw the nurse today, do you need me to email the paper she sent me?

Her: (In a not nice tone.)  Well you are going to need to hold while I go talk to your nurse.

Me: (In an equally snarky tone.) Okay you do that.

Then the nurse picks up.

Nurse: You have enough Gonal-F

Me: I didn't even do the math for that.  I am saying I don't have enough of the Menopur.

Nurse: How much do you have?
(She says this like there is no way I could have figured out the complicated math.)

Me: 17 vials which will cover 8 1/2 days.

Nurse: Oops I order it wrong.  I ordered it at 75IU a night.  Just go ahead and call the pharmacy and ask for a refill.

Me: Okay thanks.

Guess what I figured out last night????
I don't have enough Gonal-F either.  Apparently my nurse failed 5th grade math.

So my meds started on the 30th instead of my birthday.  On the 30th I had the worst migraine I have had in FOREVER!  By the end of the night I thought I was going to die.  It was during this time that I established that I did not have enough Gonal-F.  I left my nurse an email notifying her.  I ended it saying "Just thought I'd let you know in case there was something you needed to do on your end"(like math).  I didn't put the "like math" part but it was there in spirit.

I did my injections and the Menopur burned more than I remember, so I'm really glad I had to order more.

I'm guessing that screwing with my hormones and the crazy weather are trying to kill me.  I don't remember feeling this shitty last time, so I'm hoping that I start feeling better in the next few days.

I am also going to contact my doctors office and tell them that I'm not happy with their lack of math skills because the pharmacy confirmed that it means that I have already paid double for my meds.  I don't normally like to complain, but this round of IVF has been so unorganized on the admin side of things that they really need to look into it.  Hopefully this works in one round for us and we will be done!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Hurry Up and Wait

So I haven't posted for a while because IVF is very much a hurry up and wait process.  Right now we are getting back into a hurry mode.  We dealt with some issues with getting the meds because apparently Shady Grove didn't submit the pre approval paperwork to the insurance.  So several phone calls later (and we found out the financial person in our office was "no longer employed at this office") we had the approval we needed and the meds were only slightly delayed.  Then I receive a phone call from the pharmacy saying that the one drug was out of stock.  Me being me I get super grumpy ...not with the pharmacy but with Shady Grove for letting the ball drop on the paperwork in the first place.  The meds were there when they were going to ship them initially, but because of the hold up now they are out.  So more phone calls.  Shady Grove says have the meds they do have sent and they reassure me that we will get the other med in time.  The meds lady for Shady Grove is super nice and sensing my apprehension tells me if it comes down to it they have some there that they can give me.  Awesome ..that works...I call the pharmacy back and they ship the drugs.

Our insurance covers most of this but we do end up paying $159 out of pocket.  So now our running total is $484.  So in just over a month that is what we have spent not including travel, and food, and cleaning up a puke covered child.  It is a lot of money and money that we don't really have, but we make it work and are very thankful for our insurance because many other people are paying much more for this.
(Update:  We received a bill today for the genetic testing so we are now at $584.)

So drugs are always shipped next day and with this pharmacy you have to sign for them.  (Some of the drugs have to be refrigerated.)  So then we are in stealth mode because our Fedex guy is really good at ding and dash and we have missed shipments before because we couldn't run to the door in time.  If that were to happen in this case I could lose my meds and miss my cycle, so at 0800hrs we start watch.  We take turns making sure that someone is always in the living room so that we can make it down to the door.  At 1300 the meds show up and that is when I realize that I never put on a bra.  I run to the door anyhow and then attempt to awkwardly use the box as a shield for my lack of support.  I sign the scanner dealy while balancing it on the box and then quickly shut the door.

This is what you get when you get the drugs...

Honestly the first time when this came in I was in complete shock.  I was expecting a shoe box and instead I receive a box large enough to be used as an end table.  Okay maybe not that large.  But it is a big box.

Amazingly enough inside the box are the meds that they said they were out of.  I almost jump for joy that I have one less thing to worry about.  I don't know if the drugs came back in stock or if they had already packed my box last week when it was supposed to ship, but either way YAY!

So I have been on the birth control they put you on for the last two weeks.  The stuff is nasty.  I've never had a problem with the pill but my skin looks terrible, I've had migraines and I was nauseous for the first week of it.  Sunday is my last pill though.  Then on Monday I go in and have blood work and another trans-vaginal ultrasound to make sure things are ready to go. 

I will start injections on my birthday.  Birthday hormones yay!  Not really, but hopefully we will go one round and be happily pregnant with our second child.

Monday, June 4, 2012


Disclaimer: This post isn’t very funny but it’s real and part of how it really is to go through IVF.

So an IVF cycle starts with taking birth control.  You contact your nurse on day 1 of your period and they give you your “protocol”.  The protocol tells you when you will take what drugs, for how long, and approximately when you will do the egg retrieval and transfer. 
Of course my period starts on Sunday when I can’t call to get my protocol.  I couldn’t remember if you start the birth control day 1 or not, so I was frantically emailing my nurse last night.  I knew it wouldn’t be a huge deal, but it was enough for me to start to feel stressed out.
I get a response this morning and you don’t start until day 3, so yesterday was really an overreaction.  The “REAL” drugs will start on my birthday.  It is exciting and overwhelming to see the protocol.  It gives me an approximate date that they will do the transfer and that is exciting, but now the reality is setting in on all the steps to get to that point. 
For the last few weeks I’ve been able to kind of just be excited about the prospect of having another baby.  Now I have to focus and deal with all of this, and quite honestly today I would love to just hide and not have to deal with anything.  But I have a toddler who needs me, so I paste on the happy face and sing songs and be silly.  And I have work, so I do my work and just appreciate that it is a virtual company where I don’t have to dress up or interact very much.
I will admit though this hasn’t been the first bad day in this process.  Last week I found myself feeling very resentful of Paul.  For us to have a baby he has to jerk off into a cup.  I have to endure shots, and exams, and blood work, and hormones all before I even get pregnant.  
I told him I was feeling resentful.  Not to hurt his feelings but so he would know how I felt and he got angry with me.  He said he already felt bad enough.  So now I don’t really feel like I should say anything.  That is probably why I feel like being alone for today; I don’t want to make him feel guilty but I want to be able to be a little angry about all of it.
The reason I’m putting all of this here in my blog is because if by chance someone else is reading this and going through the same thing, I hope they know they are not alone.  I know that I am just a little down and things will get better.  Emotionally it wasn’t as hard the last time, because we didn’t know what to expect.  We will get through this though.  I am just going to push through to the next step, and the step after that because I know I want another baby so that is what I have to do.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Spermsicles are expensive

So I'll start with the funny part of yesterdays appointment.  Not my uterus measuring but bringing in a "sample" from Paul.  His sperm had a 0930 appointment.  They actually had to have their own appointment...which I find funny.

Since I had an appointment at 1030 I said I would just carry his sample in and then wait for my appointment while he took Mandie to the mall.  (I get the crappy end of that deal but he couldn't carry my uterus in a little brown bag.)  So as we drive I am holding the brown bag and he mentions that he should have drawn manly things on the bag, like hammers and shark's teeth.  I would have thought that was awesome and would have been more than happy to carry that bag.  When I get in for the appointment I check in at the front desk and I keep trying to hand her the bag, because that is what they did at the other office when we were trying to have Mandie.  After attempting to hand it to her several times she explained that a nurse would come out to get it and to have a seat.  I laughed awkwardly and as an attempt to explain said,  "I keep trying to hand this to you because I don't want it."  She laughed and said, "Well neither do I." 

I sit awkwardly holding this bag in the lobby until this lady came out and called me back, and I tried to hand her the bag, but apparently she didn't want it either.  They took me to a small room and I suddenly realize that this is THE room.  It is the room where guys jerk off.  Now I am trying to not physically be in contact with anything in the room including the floor.  So she hands me the pen and clipboard that were in the room and asks me to fill out the form.  I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THE PEN!  but I take one for the team and fill out the form.  Then she hands me a sticker and asks me to stick it to the sample cup.  I haven't opened the bag this entire time, and I don't really want to now but I do and the contents are obvious.  I slap the label on it and FINALLY and I am rid of the cup.

So now for the not so funny part.

This morning while I am still very much asleep the phone rings.  It is our doctor and he apologizes for waking me then proceeds to give me info that my brain is not quite ready to process.  Apparently Paul's sperm count is even lower than the last time and is now at .5 million.  (The average is 20-40 million.)  The doctor says that this could be part of Paul's normal range, which we already know to be low, but to be on the safe side we should schedule an appointment to have a sample frozen.  The risk we take if we don't have a frozen sample is that we have no sperm when they go to fertilize the eggs.

Being half asleep I hadn't asked some of the questions I needed to.  So I make a call back to the office and  find out that making a spermsicle is going to cost us $250 up front, and that we are going to be doing this in the next couple of weeks.  We aren't broke but we aren't rich either.  As much as we try to save things always come up.  This month there have been several things, so this isn't a cost we are ready for.  We have it figured out and are going to make it happen, but it is just one more thing.

I'm pretty good with it now.  Not happy obviously...I don't think anyone still trying to have kids would want to hear the news we did today, but initially I was angry.  Worse than being angry is having no one to be angry at.  There is no one to blame and no one to direct your anger at.  Now I guess I am just resolved in the fact that it is what it is.

Either way we already have a beautiful sweet little girl!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I didn't throw up!

So today they measured my uterus ..they call it a mock embryo transfer but I'm not sure which is really more accurate.  Last time when I had this done was the only time that I really remember any of this process being painful.  What looked like a 12 year old boy did the procedure and and what was advertised as painless almost made me pass out or throw up or both.  The part where he said "This might cause a little cramping" caused nothing and then out of nowhere there was blinding pain and effort to not puke on his head.

So last night I decided to panic about having the procedure.  Then I go on the internet which is always a bad idea because you can easily convince yourself you are going to die.  So by the time I get into the office today I basically begin rambling as I try to explain to the nurse that I think I almost died the previous time.

The doctor comes in and says he will be careful and I continue to try to justify my fears aloud to him as I lay back on the table.

All said and done it took 5 seconds and didn't hurt at all.  Apparently, unlike the rest of me, my uterus is small.  This doesn't cause a problem but he said if the other guy went in blindly, which is probably a bad phrase in this case, that he could have hit the top of my uterus which apparently makes you think you will die.

I didn't die and I didn't throw up, all in all a good day!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

And so we begin


 It actually began yesterday with the consult but since my next appointment was this morning less than 12 hours later I decided it could be one post.

And with it all came some drama...

So my sister was very excited that she was going to watch Mandie while we went to our appointment. (Very understandably they prefer you not bring children into the office seeing as most of the people in there are struggling to obtain one. Not that they would steal her, but as we remember, it is hard to see cute little babies when you are struggling to have one.) Well first my sister's kids got sick, and so we rearranged plans and she was going to stick her husband with her sickly children to come spend time with mine. Then yesterday, the morning of our appointment, my sister wakes up sick. She had left me a message so I called her to see how really sick she was, maybe she could just not touch Mandie much. She was really sick.

Now we don't have child care. I call the office to see if I can go and Paul can skip it, and they say that they prefer we both be there. They also explain that the next appointment available if we reschedule is way out, and I know that with where I am in my cycle I can get several of the tests out of the way if I go now. So she and I talk and she looks at the schedule and we are the last appointment of the day so she says to just bring Mandie.

We load Mandie up with toys and after scoping out the waiting room to make sure it was empty we go in. Of course after we get registered people show up out of nowhere. Now we feel bad and we look foolish as we try to kind of hide Mandie and keep her quiet. Then we get called back. We go through the forms and the doctor tells us what changes he thinks will help this go round. Everything is pretty standard until I comment on his MANY terrariums, then he is suddenly all "WOW YOU SHOULD GET THIS PLANT" ..which is very nice of him but I don't own a terrarium.

So then the nurse comes in and gives us lots of papers and instructions and gives Paul a cup. Then the financial lady comes in and says that our insurance basically will cover everything ...which we knew but is always awesome to hear. I schedule an appointment for today for hormone testing and ultrasound. We stop at Target to fill the prescription for birth control that I will have to take next month. I come home and order the prenatals that the doctor wants me to switch to and order my genetic screening kit to test for things including SMA. After learning about Avery I felt that this was important. 1 in 40 adults is a carrier, that is scary.

We fill out paperwork that includes having to decide what to do with any embryos that are fertilized but not used. These are the first big decisions you make when going through this. The first time we had to discuss and figure out what we wanted to do. This time we had both already agreed that we are not going to freeze any for future use because we hope everything works on the first try AND because insurance will completely cover another round of IVF but will not cover the cheaper option of freezing and using frozen embryos. I offer mine up to science. It's either science or trash, and I feel like if we can learn something from them then that is awesome.

My appointment for the next day is at 0715 and we all know I don't like mornings but we'll make it work ... So I wake up at 0515 when the baby gets up and once we give her her milk I go to get ready. It is day 4 of my cycle and they are going to be doing a transvaginal ultrasound, which means they are going to be in my junk. The thought of this is is not one I enjoy, but if it's going to be done I can at least make sure things are neat. At 5 something in the morning you do what you can but I honestly just hope it doesn't look like I have mange.

We get in the car and get on the highway. I'm excited that we aren't late and everything seems to be going well. Mandie is being fussy, but she tends to be that way as she is falling asleep in the car. Then suddenly as we are in the middle of traffic she makes a noise and for the first time EVER throws up. There is lots of throw up, and anyone who knows me knows I don't do throw up. I'm handling it well though. I am calm and I am talking to her and the smell, though gross, is not making me sick. She calms down and we are turning off of our exit so I'm glad that we'll be able to get back to her to take care of her. Then I see a stink bug inches from my head by my visor. Paul says to get it out of the car but I could see that turning into an accident when it flys and hits him in the face or something, so I let it wander and just keep an eye on it.

When we pull into the parking lot for the appointment I am thankful that I have to go in and Paul will be doing clean up.

I get into the office and feel oddly comfortable. I guess this being my second time makes it easier in that sense. They call my name take my blood then take me back and look at my ovaries. Everything looks good (and I just received a call that the hormone levels are all where they need to be).

Now we need to get our labcorp blood tests done for HEP and HIV and stuff. Next Tuesday I go have my uterus measured and Paul has to be a cup humper.

Oh and on the ride home the stink bug, who Paul thought he got rid of, reappears and I have to shoo him out of the car. All of this before I even started my work day!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

We're having another baby ...hopefully...

So I decided that though my Friday facts were fun I got bored of them pretty quickly. I just don’t think that I’m interesting enough every week to garner a post.

So now I’m going to try posting about our upcoming attempt at having baby #2. If you think this is going to be a dirty blog, you'll probably be disappointed. Most anyone who knows us, knows that this isn’t going to involve sex (at least that I know of). Paul and I conceived Nugget without even being in the same room. Mandie is a test tube baby …or to be more accurate a petri dish baby.

The process involves many ups and downs, and lots of emotions. Right now we are on excitement. Our first consult appointment is on Tuesday May 8th. I’m thinking much like we forget the pain of childbirth, that I may have forgotten some of the pain and stress of going through fertility treatment.

Let me start by saying it’s his fault. You might think this is mean of me to say, but really we have come to terms with this. He even likes to joke about it. We are lucky in that we don’t have to use a donor, and the silver lining is that because my junk is healthy we have a good environment to host a fetus.

I will admit that as we decided that we were ready to do this again some of the memories of what I went through with this process came back. The shots and hormones and uterus measuring…yep all of that came back to the forefront. I can deal with all of that. The hard part is all of the waiting and uncertainty.

Anyone who has tried to get pregnant knows about the stress of waiting to find out if your pregnant, but you also know that you can try again next month. For IVF it is a rough 2 month cycle that involves lots of shots, and appointments (daily), and pain, and waiting. Knowing that it might not work is a scary prospect. We were lucky with Mandie and it worked on the first try, but that isn’t a guarantee that it will be that easy again.

As a plus we have Mandie. On our first try we were childless, and that put it’s own stress on the situation. The fear of not being able to conceive at all was very present. I thank science that everything worked and we have our beautiful baby girl.

So we start the process with a consult. You have to fill out lots of paperwork. We were surprised that we had to fill ALL of it out again this time, and though we didn’t lie about anything we wonder if we answered anything “wrong”.

I also honestly wonder how many people’s fertility issued are resolved by this question…
Okay, well welcome to the ride. I will try to post anytime there is anything even mildly interesting happening. I hope this blog helps anyone who was maybe curious about IVF, or got here by Googling things because they are having fertility issues. If you have questions feel free to contact me.

Friday, April 13, 2012


1. I am incredibly exhausted this week.

2. This adorable child is wearing me out.

3. We can't find a swim suit that fits her. We have been through three so far, the third one was so small we didn't even take a picture.

4. She has been super fussy this week for various reasons.

5. She has also been super clingy and lovey which is sweet, and that balances the fussy enough that we can't stay mad.

6. We had this Easter egg that made us feel guilty about eating it.

7. Mandie got super good at Easter egg hunts.

8. We signed Mandie up for swim class and we are super excited. They acted as if it were strange that Paul and I both wanted to attend with her.

9. Tomorrow the quest continues for Mandie's bathing suit. I managed to get a bathing suit for myself that I feel okay about even though it is not the equivalent of a swim parka.

10. I am on vacation started tonight and I don't go back until Friday! YAY!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Mandie is in trouble

1. Mandie is in time out right now and got a pop on the thigh for going out in the street after being warned not to do it. (I was right there with her but it is a lesson she needs to learn.)

2. I have not been sticking to eating healthy like I should, but I also have not put on any weight so that is a plus.

3. Speaking of eating healthy...I should have gotten Cold Stone instead of Starbucks today.

4. I had a sewing fail today ...luckily the fabric can still be used, so it isn't a complete waste.

5. I finally scanned in the pic of Mandie with the Easter Bunny.

6. I had a comment here about an elephant at the circus pooping, but the comment was not nearly as amusing without being there, so I deleted it.

7. I don't agree with elephants and tigers being in the circus ..but I wanted Mandie to get a chance to experience the Ringling circus. Her amazement was worth it. It was Mandie and Paul's first time at the circus.

8. I took Mandie to the library today but didn't want her to touch anything because of how germ ridden everything in there appears.

9. We are going on Monday to sign Mandie up for swim lessons. We are very excited.

10. We did make it to the kite festival last Saturday. This is the most amazing picture ever!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Good Week

1. This week went by fast!

2. I ate at a Lebanese restaurant and it was amazing. I will be going back.

3. Mandie is ready to go pro.

4. Our family is having super fun with the arrival of spring. We have planted some things and cleaned some things and now Mandie is big enough to help. It also means lots of playtime outside and walks with Sam.

5. We aren't going to go to the kite festival because of the stupid rain :(

6. When I am at home I feel like Mandie has WAY too many toys, but when I go out I feel like there are so many things I want to buy for her.

7. At the Lebanese restaurant they had an awesome water pitcher that they poured water all fancy with....I think it made the water taste better. It also reminds me of my Ecce Romani Latin book I had in school.

8. The world doesn't want me to exercise ..I tried to go for a walk with Mandie and Sam today and it started raining so we had to run home. I decided to cut through the common area and hit a tuft of grass with the stroller and almost launched Mandie home.

9. You know you are fat and lazy if you have to look up how to spell the work exercise. It just never looks right to me.

10. I am excited that I'm going to go visit my sister tomorrow.

Friday, March 23, 2012


1. I don't feel like posting today.

2. I have lots of crazy socks and some I haven't even worn so I'm looking for sock crafts.

3. I sometimes get frustrated because people (and my husband) assume that because I work from home I don't really work.

4. I think that I am going to ignore my diet tonight and drink a Kahlua Mudslide after the baby goes to bed.

5. I love when Mandie plays with silly hats on her own...even better is when she cracks herself up doing it.

6. We are super excited about the kite festival next week.

7. PARENT FAIL...We got Mandie a little bike and she was doing really well on it so I let go and she bonked her head.

8. Now she is scared of the bike but she is enjoying the helmet that I did not have on her when she fell.

9. I flashed the Easter Bunny.

10. I had some crazy dreams the other day that involved all kinds of people from my past...and needing to go on a helicopter to go fishing.

Friday, March 16, 2012

40 is the new 200

1. I found out through playing Drawsome that I didn't know how to spell the word omelet.

2. I almost got pooped on by a dog at the Super Pet Expo. Sam had a great time though.

3. I already knew this, but my Nugget is a beautiful princess!

4. I didn't have enough Nike Fuel points the other day, so I ran in place for 20 mins after I put Mandie to bed. I also established that a treadmill would fit perfectly in our bedroom.

5. I love sewing! I bought my sewing machine a new foot....I wish they were called shoes because it would sound cuter to say I bought my sewing machine a new shoe.

6. I made Mandie a dress, and it is the first thing I have made that I would actually let her wear in public.

7. Paul and I have not smoked in over two years now.

8. Mandie has been much more fussy when we go out because she doesn't want to be in the stroller/cart, so I bring enough snacks for her to eat the entire time we are out.

9. I asked for 40 crickets at Petsmart and the lady gave me over 200. I didn't correct her because she wrote 40 on the bag and even said 40 as she handed them to me. I just hurried home and tried to figure out how I was going to house that many crickets.

10. I really like it on Pinterest when strangers repin something that I made.

Friday, March 9, 2012

I've got lots to do this weekend...

1. I have made two different toddler bed rails this was much more difficult than I expected.

2. I lost 7.6lbs this week and I am really enjoying eating healthy. I also got a Nike Fuel Band and it motivates me to move more.

3. I am posting this now because I am excited about going downstairs and pimping out my sewing machine. I didn't want to get to involved and forget to post.
(Pictures will be posted!)

4. Now I'm wondering if I should have pimped my sewing machine out first so that I could post the pictures.

5. I need to call and check on my Dad.

6. I have major spring fever today. I went out and cleaned up all of our planting bins and was super excited to see baby leaf lettuce.

7. I'm in Mandie's room and I can hear Paul snoring from here. (Both bedroom doors are open.)

8. I made a peppermint lotion mix. Not only did it get repinned a ton, but my hands are soft and supple and smell minty fresh.

9. My Nugget did so well sleeping in her big girl bed last night.

10. Paul is making Quinoa salad and Tilapia for dinner...YUM.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Hardest thing to do as a parent is let them grow up...

So for the last 14 months I have spent my nights cuddled up with my sweet sleeping little Nugget. Her precious face usually just inches from my own. My arm her pillow as we snuggle close.

I never intended for her to sleep in our bed. I was adamantly against it before she was born. Several weeks of very little sleep will adjust your priorities.

It was supposed to be temporary. We kept saying that we were going to get her into her own bed, but quite honestly it was convenient to have her in our bed and we enjoyed being so close to her.

We made some half assed attempts but our heart wasn't really in it.

So what changed now? You might ask. If you don't, then I'm not sure why you are still reading this.

What has changed is that she has gotten bigger and more independent. Sometimes she snuggles and is sweet. Other times you get kicked in the face while you are sleeping and she is rolling around like an alligator.

So since she isn't sleeping well and we aren't sleeping well, it is time for her to sleep on her own.

In many ways we regret that we didn't do this sooner when it would have been probably easier on all of us...but we didn't. So now as she has just discovered how to throw a tantrum we are trying.

For real this time.

It is 4 in the morning and I am in a chair in her room writing this. She is in her bed sleeping. She went down just fine at her bed time, then at 1am she woke up. I tried to comfort her and even rock her to sleep, but each time when I got her to her bed she woke up and screamed. If she were just crying I would probably have given in, but she was throwing a fit and we are trying hard right now to stop her screaming fits.

Finally I went all SuperNanny on her. I did just like I had seen on the show. I laid her down and told her "night night" then turned my back to her. She got up and screamed and only when she would try to climb out of bed would I get up and lay her back down without speaking to her. Very quickly she figured out that she was not going to get her way....and she laid down and went to sleep.

I feel terrible as I do this, but I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing. I am teaching her to be independent, giving her structure, and also giving her a better nights sleep. I will miss her sweet little face when I wake up in the morning, but it was time to let go.

Friday, March 2, 2012


1. I joined Weight Watchers and I do not like their new plan...but that is a whole blog in itself. (I did find a resolution.)

2. Mandie has been all kinds of fussy this week...she seems to do this every few months when she is going through a big developmental change.

3. Between Mandie being fussy and me being hungry before I got my Weight Watchers fixed, I'm surprised that everyone in my house survived this week.

4. Seeing as I am on Weight Watchers I am obviously not a small person, and yet I somehow manage to sleep on 3 inches of bed each night after Mandie takes over.

5. The other day Mandie decided she wanted to get creative with her outfit and brought to Paul what she wanted to put on.... and this is how that turned out <3

6. We might be hiring one of my former co-workers to work with me on data entry and I am excited.

7. I am going to take Mandie to hang out with 2 little girls who belong to a girl I grew up living next to. It's exciting and neat because now you don't really get to know your neighbors, and I've known this girl since before she was born.

8. I'm in Mandie's room as I'm writing this, because Paul is trying to put her to sleep in our room. She is going through a phase where she only wants me...which is very sweet but not very practical.

9. I was going to type something interesting here but wasn't sure who my audience was going to be.

10. I'm enjoying this little bit of quiet time to myself. :)

Friday, February 24, 2012

It's been a loooong week!

1. We have spent all week but we have everything set to make all of our pets happier!

2. I don't know if it is just my mood today or what but I am really aggravated by people being mean to other people.

3. This is probably what triggered my last comment. Today I saw an article about Daniel von Bargen and his failed attempted suicide. TMZ actually posted the audio. This man is already at a low point and now his misery is being displayed as entertainment. This disgusts me.

4. On a happier note we have a new addition to our family. Paul and I have had bearded dragons in the past and really like them...last Saturday we got a new bearded dragon that is really pretty. We named her Kimchi!

5. I think inanimate objects in our house are mad at us. My husband was installing a baby gate and the door swung open and busted him in the nose. I got punched in the mouth by my headphones. Not feeling very fung shui.

6. So now that the gate is installed Nugget can run around free and she has actually been very well behaved. So far when I ask her not to mess with something she has stopped.

7. This has been a very long week, but during a conference it was nice to hear that people were impressed with my mad data entry skills.

8. Paul and I have shows we like watching together, so when he is working I try to watch shows that I don't think he would want to watch. I am now hooked on Grey's Anatomy.

9. I think it is adorable that Mandie knows what a microphone is and will sing into it.

10. My sister and I were messaging each other on FB the other night and I was trying to type that Mandie had sleep farts but typed sleep fats and my sister thought maybe it was a new pajama brand! I lol'd.

Here is a pic of Mandie looking steam punk!

Friday, February 17, 2012

I almost forgot to post today!

1. I am so proud of my dog ...we had kept her confined because when we had 2 dogs they kept getting in trouble but now we only have one and we forgot to put her gate up and went out for the day and she didn't destroy anything! Now she gets to be free all of the time.

2. I am drinking a Kahlua Mudslide right now and it is the second drink I've had in over 2 years. (I didn't drink because of the Nugget.)

3. I am super excited because tomorrow I'm picking up a real slot machine that came from Atlantic City! You never turn down a free slot machine! (Especially if you're Asian.)

4. My husband slacked and didn't do anything for Valentine's day so he has been making up for it by putting a gift at my desk each morning so that when I come down to go to work I have a surprise. (I hope this goes on the whole year!)

5. I think if people heard some of the conversations my sister and I have they would commit us.

6. I found a picture of baby platipi wearing fedoras and I sent the link to my husband who called me silly. I responded by explaining that I was not silly because I was not the one who put the baby platipi in hats I was merely admiring them.

7. I think Wil Wheaton is very funny and seems like a nice person.

8. I pre-ordered the Bloggess book in hardback and audio because I think it will be funny to hear her read it.

9. I didn't know why "See you next Tuesday" was so funny until I Googled it...then I LOL'd

10. This week Big Mandy came over and I forced Little Mandie into her arms and got the first picture of the two of them together! It's not a great picture but considering Big Mandy has a baby phobia it went well.

laoaierowhanndklsnzodfjwes,,,;... <---Those are to fill in any letters or punctuation that I may be missing in this post. You can add them where you see fit.

Friday, February 10, 2012


It's Friday ...and though this week didn't seem to drag on really did.

1 - nung - I bought a girly shirt this week. I generally don't dress very girly but because I work at home now and I am in pajamas most of the week I feel like if I do go somewhere I should try a little.

2 - soong - We went to the mall this week and found nothing we wanted to buy either we have really adapted to our budget OR we're old and nothing appeals to us. Either way that is money saved.

3 - saam - I am excited about a Valentines project I want to make.

4 - sii - I have not been playing my ukulele probably misses me.

5 - haa - Paul, Mandie and I all need new shoes...I love shoes but I haven't found many that I like lately. (Also for Mandie - they carry sneakers for boy's year round but we tried to get her shoes and they said that the girl's sneakers were out of stock because it was time for sandles to come in - that is some crap.)

6 - hok - I'm trying to be more positive in my interactions with people.

7 - jet - I like getting free t-shirts. One came in the mail today from Northwest Federal Credit Union....I don't even bank with them. :)

8 - bat - Two weeks ago I accidentally dropped the tv remote on Mandie while she was sleeping and she cried. She didn't cry more than 20 seconds and fell right back to sleep, but I still felt guilty.

9 - gaao - It has been two years since Paul and I have smoked.

10 - sip - I cut the super long tuft of hair Mandie had last Saturday ...I was sad cutting it. She still looks super cute though.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Hucha Hucha Hucha ...Lobster!

Conversation that just happened...

I'm eating grapes doing my work...

Me: I almost choked on that grape.

Paul: Lobster.

Me: What?

Paul: Like lobster.

Me: I didn't know that lobsters choked on grapes.

Paul: No, people choke on lobster. You almost choked on the grape, like people choke on lobster.

Me: ....

Eddie Izzard makes all of this make sense.

Friday, February 3, 2012

4 Mintues

I have 4 minutes to have this done on Friday....

1. I need to write things down during the week for this post on Friday. I think of things and always assume I will remember them but never do.

2. I was worried the person I stole this idea from was upset that I stole her idea but she left a comment on my blog last week so I'm assuming things are okay.

3. I might be taking Mandie to meet her paternal Grandmother this week. Paul has not spoken to his mother in 4 years and has no intention to, but I feel like she deserves a chance to meet her granddaughter. I'm nervous.

___* It is now after midnight so this didn't get done on Friday...but unlike my friend I don't have a witty Friday name for my post so I guess it is okay.

4. I have a thing for grab bags and similar things...not knowing what is in there really makes me want to have it so I can see what is in there.

5. I did several crafts this week and I am really proud of how they turned out. I also cooked several new meals that turned out really good.

6. For the first time in several years we are getting money back from our taxes. YAY!

7. I am feeling very ambitious about doing some things to make our house nicer. I'm just hoping I remain motivated and actually do things.

8. I am REALLY looking forward to starting our gardens this year. Last year though it was probably not impressive to anyone else, we had the best garden we have ever this year I want to do more.

9. I recently started using Pintrest and I love it because it motivates me to do things.

10. I use military time. I have since I joined the fire dept in high school ..I just feel like it's more logical.

__Finished @ 00:11hrs

Friday, January 27, 2012


10 things about me ...

1. I bought a Smash book this week ...I'm excited about putting things in it.
Smash Book

2. I want a pet jelly fish.

3. I was very spontaneous as a child and now I am very much a "Type A" person.

4. In 1994 I asked for and got Stone Temple Pilots Purple on cassette for Christmas.

5. A few weeks ago Paul snuck a pack of Papermate Flair felt tip markers in 16 different colors in our stuff at Target then surprised me when we got home. Yay colors!

6. I feel guilty that I let Mandie watch so much T.V.

7. I have a new obsession with repurposing t- shirts.

8. I am super worried about my Dad's trip to Thailand. With him not being in very good health I worry that he won't make it back home. He needs this trip though.

9. I have been practicing my math skills on Khan Academy that site is amazing.

10. I am very competitive.

I did shave my dog last week.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Stolen Idea

Every Friday a person I know posts facts about herself...I want to get better at posting more often, and like the idea of being introspective so I'm stealing her idea. Thank you Catrina.

1. I like to write but I am not the best at spelling, and I don't always use proper punctuation.

2. My tortoise Shellie died this week. I had her for just under a decade. I am not sure what happened, but I feel guilty that I have lost so many pets makes me question my role in their deaths. (I didn't strangle them or not feed them or anything, I just wonder if I could have done more to prevent what happened.) I feel guilty enough that I didn't even post about her death on FB.

3. I ate almost an entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios this week and I don't feel bad because it's better than the crap I probably would have eaten instead.

4. I like the idea of naps, but I am bad at them.

5. My sister and I are socially awkward and have no friends so we are best friends with each other.
(I don't think I'd want it any other way.)

6. I decided I want to shave my dog so I want to do it right now! I tend to get certain ideas in my head and I become very focused on that one thing.

7. I hate the smell of milk.

8. I don't like getting my hands gross with food, but since I've had a baby I've gotten over that pretty quick. (The same goes for getting food on my clothes ..I used to change as soon as I could if I spilled something on myself, and now I've gone entire days with food smeared across my shirt.)

9. I am a sucker for infomercials ...luckily I have the self control and lack of money to keep me from buying anything.

10. My desk is a disaster area that I really need to organize. (After I shave the dog.)

My sister and I
(Yes, we have the same parents.)